All Or Nothing
by Smickan
Summary: Neil Manson takes the opportunity to reflect over his relationship and proves you never know what you've got until it's gone.


_One shot written for a friend. Izzy is her character and belongs to her –nods- and will be returned once she's finished frolicking in the corner with Zain._

_A/N: Neil's relationship with Andrea has happened, but it wasn't the same obsession it was on the show -rolleyes-. Jake doesn't exist, and Neil's still married to Phillipa._

**All Or Nothing**

She was gone.

He knew he'd have to come to terms with it, preferably before it continued tearing him apart. If there was one thing Neil Manson didn't do, it was show emotion, not if he could help it. Things with Izzy were different. She'd dipped under his radar in a way no other woman could or most likely ever would. True, their relationship could never be called conventional, but that was what made it work. They were complete opposites, yet so similar in many ways, when they got on, it was perfect… when they'd broken up or were having problems, it was every man for himself, CID knowing better than to cross either of them.

Izzy showed him his weaknesses and faults, and still loved him because of them. No matter how many times he'd pushed her away or hurt her, she came back for more. He'd blamed her for that, cursed her for being so stupid and tried to convince her she shouldn't come back. Now she'd done exactly that, just as he'd told her to, and there was no way he could.

He'd used her. He admitted as much to her face, part of him almost enjoying watching her fall apart because of him. Every word cut into her more than his sneer, her expression betraying her words, letting him know just how much he was hurting her. She knew he was getting his kicks from it, they'd broken up before, and Neil would turn up on her doorstep the same night, clutching a bunch of flowers if it had been particularly vicious, normally just pinning her to the door and kissing her. He knew the score, she'd slap him, he'd kiss her again, and within half an hour he'd have her back in the palm of his hand, curled clinging to him, or crying out from under him.

Now she'd told him she'd never go back to him, she'd moved on. That hurt, more than he'd thought it would, more than he'd even thought possible. Having to see her with Zain, see the way he easily showed her affection, the way he looked at her, even the way they laughed together at private jokes…

He couldn't show her affection in public, even if he'd wanted to. It wasn't in his nature, and he was after all a married man, however much it didn't seem like that with Izzy. He'd never met another woman like her, gutsy, determined… she knew her own mind better than anyone he'd ever known. Phillipa was different. Even though she was confident, she didn't have Izzy's nature, her ability to switch on the charm with such ease. Izzy was strong, yet he'd pulled her down, just like always. Treated her like dirt, turned things round for them to be her fault.

Neil didn't know how to make things different, he didn't know how to let someone look after him, or how to really let them in. He was essentially a private man, everything was like a closely guarded secret, the things that were second nature for everyone else were a struggle for him, he'd tried with Izzy, but she was too much like him in ways. Romance had never been his strong point, not that either went in a whole bunch for it. He preferred spending time with her, an entire evening passing in a haze of television and snuggling on the settee, that was as far as they got, the knowing feeling at the back of his head that he'd have to leave Izzy eventually, and go back home to his family, wishing vehemently that he'd met Izzy first, not that he'd ever told her.

And now, sat in his office, staring into the bottom of his glass of whiskey, Neil took the chance to reflect on his relationship, suppressing a bitter snort. He could hear Izzy's voice travelling through the office, Zain's answering it, the occasional giggle passing under the door. He closed his eyes, sighed and down the rest of his glass, grimacing at the sharp taste hit the back of his throat. "If he ever hurts her…" Neil muttered to himself, trailing off as he shook his head, knowing he'd done that enough himself. He filled his glass with another generous measure, raising his glass to the door in a silent toast to Izzy, preparing himself to start home.


End file.
